Falling Slowly...

I just don't understand some people in friendlist of my Facebook account. They added me into their list at the first place. (They're the one who added me) and then they block me from viewing their page, yet I'm in the list. What's the purpose of doing as such to me? Just so their list number of friends grow? ...that's not a kind thing to do, you know.... Especially when you do that to someone with a super sensitive emotional side like me..I can get easily upset and lament about this for days, and they did this to me.........

And what's the problem with that colleague of mine? all i wanted was to borrow few documents, for my reference but that colleague gave me this dufus (at the same time really cynical) look and told me it's still being used (FULL STOP) ... I stood there like a dungu for a minute or two, waiting for that colleague to say something to assure me the documents will be passed up to me afterwards, but that colleague just ignored me big time!.... I felt so humiliated. I smiled (hurtful) and took off from that colleague's cubicle.

So(?) I'm having difficulties to work alone. They always left me alone. Left me to do my work alone. They always look down on me, when I in fact held a slightly higher position than them.(which I'm never proud of). I can't do inspection to schools and factories alone. But for the sake of me, I went.

So(?) I'm not like that colleague who used to do the fieldwork alone. That colleague could easily got away with working alone because that colleague held a power in an enforcement card. Plus that person has the advantage as that colleague is a local here with local dialect lango. I can't do that. The industries does not has any respect for me. I tried, you see. I really did. Most of the time, I was almost invisible to them.

It's not like I couldn't accept any mock or something. I've been through much more worse. How would you feel if someone told you that you're a disgrace to this state, for something that you didn't do? I've been through so much. My heart has been left with so many scars, which is why I don't need any new scar as for now.

So(?) I complain... So(?) I lament ... So??? Some may think that I'm not a good friend( or maybe even a good person), but those who really really knows me will know that I'd do anything to make my friends happy. That I'll be happy and appreciated just to see them smiling back at me. That I'll do anything to help my friend them.... So? I have some temper..who doesn't? But so far I've been hiding it pretty well in front of others.I've been helding myself way too much only to give way for others to see less of me...

Does this makes me a hypocrite? Not at all....

To those some people :I smiled because I thought you might need someone to smile at you. But it hurts real bad when you replied me with a jeer glance.